Mondays & Eulogies
I’m getting that feeling again where I just want to retreat from the world, which is apt given the circumstances; I am going away for a week in Bali so that should be enough down time, enough retreat, enough space apart to get my head on straight. However, given that it’s roughly one hundred sixty-eight hours of solitude, I’m not sure what coming out of the other side would mean. It could be beautiful or disastrously impossible as well. Then there’s also the possibility that I won’t ever get to the other side or that another dark tunnel will present itself. I guess the important part here is that I am given this chance to ruminate.
I’m turning twenty-four in three days. I think I’ve told almost everyone my mortality forecast–being that I would die young at a tender age of twenty-six, or earlier. The fact that the world is changing–the increasing frequency of hail, tsunamis, earthquakes–gives me enough chills in my spine to think that a tsunami might hit Bali while I am there. I am scared, perhaps a bit neurotic about the whole idea of it all but I always tell myself, If it’s time, it’s time. Plus I always felt like I belonged to the sea, maybe it’s coming to take me back.
Funnily enough, I’ve instructed some people who could see past my morbidity and told them to tell everyone in my funeral that, Niki says, “I told you so”, as proof that I had seen this coming. Maybe my being psychic (or psychotic, even) will be proven once and for all. As much as I am kidding on this, I am also, surprisingly, very serious.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Quiet Poetic by Urbandub
