I think I’m about to lose it, really.
The other day a colleague had come up to me to ask if we could go on a breakfast date. This date was an order from her superior as she was tasked to give me the bullshit (the honest to goodness truth about sales) that I would face if I do decide to join their team. But apparently, her superior was approached by my boss, casually asking if they needed an extra person and if they would want to have me. In another word, the boss is dumping me.
I could take this “dumping” in two ways and the most obvious one is that I am incompetent. I think I’ve had enough self-pity to last me a thousand rejections but apparently the entire universe sees that another extra wouldn’t hurt a tad bit. Truthfully, it doesn’t hurt at all but I am so close to ripping someone’s head off because I am mad. I think I’ve graduated from feeling sorry about myself to inflicting aggression and the past weekend had obviously shown this sudden violent nature in me.
I seriously don’t think I am incapable of the very elementary tasks she’s asking me to do, and here’s the other way I could take this situation – that is to believe that the only reason, and this is obvious to everybody even to the new people on the company, is that she hates my guts. If I want to take it even further, I’d say it’s an accomplishment that she can’t stand me because her personality looks like she doesn’t give a shit about anything else but herself.
Anyway, I don’t know how this, her hatred towards me, began but I have a good hunch on how and why and it involves her and her minions. These so-called minions of hers, well one of them at least, has an “unexplained” hatred towards me that I’m most likely sure of stems from which university I came from. I even remember before that she had told me she graduated at my school’s rival university but later found out that she went to a different one entirely. So much for being a liar, eh? Not only that, I also found out from a former intern that she had shared with them on how she hates me judging by our first encounter. Unfair? Definitely.
If my boss and her minions hang out together – including lunch, smoke breaks, and even on weekends – there is a big possibility that this very negative outlook of me had rubbed off on everybody in their clique. And if there is any truth in this then we could all assume how very unprofessional my boss has been towards managing her people.
But would you want to know how totally unprofessional she really is? This dumping that she’s doing to me is an under-the-table agreement (or it looks like one) between her and the other superior. If she had any real and viable reason to fire me, she would go straight to the big big BIG boss and tell him. I have every good reason to believe that whatever grudge she has towards me are absolutely personal and it won’t hold up to the big big BIG boss. Thus, in her moment of desperation she was seen and heard saying,
“Just tell me what you want to say and I’ll say it.”
That’s her making an agreement with the other superior for when they talk to the big big BIG boss about the dumping which, for the purposes of “professionalism”, they would call a “transfer”. How absolutely fucking convenient, right?
The thing I’m most worried about is, what if the big big BIG boss says no and my boss finally comes clean that she doesn’t want me in her team? Then I’m goddamn screwed.
Resumes on my end have been flying off to hiring employers. Cross fingers that some of them call me back.
And you know what? My FB astrology predicted yesterday that, “A friend or acquaintance wants you to go with them on a big, expensive trip [true!] and you know you have other priorities at the moment [also true!]. While it may be tempting to run off for a week or so, the hot energy in your career sectors cannot be ignored.” What hot energy? If it’s the kind of bad hot, then it is true. I am in the grill.
