The lesson to be learned here is, that I shouldn’t get my emotions too involved with anyone.  I’m kind of at that point where I’ve started to rebuild that wall around me, the same wall that I had easily broken down for someone.  You could say I’ll be more cautious, yes. But it could also mean that my approach to these kinds of things would be a little bit more pragmatic. Perhaps, even too hard-nosed.

————

Riddle me this, riddle me that: A kiss is a kiss is a kiss

[Audio clip: view full post to listen] Let’s Go by The Shoes

I am also trying to control myself from blowing up and getting all dramatic about it.  If I want an exit, I’ll do it quietly but that’s not to say I’ll do it slowly.  I do not want to ease out of it since I didn’t ease into this whole thing to begin with anyway.  Yep, that’s the all-or-nothing side of me that speaks.

They say patience is a virtue.  I agree, but too much patience can make you feel vapid and lethargic, and I am nearing that stage of jadedness.

[Audio clip: view full post to listen] Shake Your Head by Eraserheads

[Audio clip: view full post to listen] Andalusian Dog by Eraserheads

P.S.
I am truly what Myers-Briggs say that I am: “INFJ’s may ‘silently withdraw as a way of setting limits,’ rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.”

A week in Bali is definitely not enough but for a holiday-hungry person like I, even just a weekend would do. I have about two more days left of this place and I’m not exactly itching to leave nor am I thrilled to be coming back.  You know, I’m still at the brink of self-discovery here and I need a few more days of peace and quiet before I could come back to the noise of the city.  Oh well, as a certified hermit, I’m sure I can still avoid people when I get back.  I mean, I’ve done it for months so it should be fine, not to mention my ailing bank account (it’s on its last breath) should make being a hermit a piece of cake.

Anyway, heading to Bali was supposed to be my week of solitude, my needed space to clear my head, my chance at finding myself again and, if needed, my opportunity to rid myself of things that are not supposed to be in my life right now.  I am not close to an epiphany yet and the things I worry about are still as evident as they were when I left.  Nothing’s changed, except that I’ve got a tan and that I’m definitely back to my old self of being painfully broke.  Ah Square One, dear friend, I return, did you miss me?

I’m not sure if things will turn out the way I hope they would when I get back, not that things just fix themselves in a week.  It’s just refreshing to realize–especially after being here in Bali–that the things that mattered to me (those in their purest forms and in their most basic) are still the same.  I mean, of course Maslow was right about his Hierarchy of Needs, but what I’m saying is, that I’m really just a simple girl who wants simple needs and I’m really happy with just that.  Nothing too fancy, por favor.

It’s a bit strange that I’m speaking in generalities here but that’s as much as I can take at the moment. If I go into specifics too much or parse everything that comes my way, I’d go bonkers, and we all know how I’m a little bit mad already.  But one itty bitty piece of good thing that came out of this trip is, that the people whom I once thought were great, aren’t looking so great anymore.  I’ve been a bit blind lately, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and all that so-called crazy love shit, but I’ve got better perspective now.  I know it’s not something to be sad about because for one: Is it a great catch? Perhaps, maybe not even.  So unless they could prove themselves to be worth my time and effort then whatever, I’m not holding my breath this time.

[Audio clip: view full post to listen] If You Want Me To Stay by Sly & The Family Stone

P.S. Thanks to Brian for the lovely birthday playlist, Turn Around One Last Time, that has this very apt song you’re listening to right now. Muchas gracias!

[Audio clip: view full post to listen] What If I Leave by Rachael Yamagata

What a nice surprise

The enclosed card reads:

For you, just because.
Hope you have a good week. #BFFF

Guess that banishes the Monday blues!  I cannot explain fully what a wonderful surprise this has been but trust me that I did love this sweet gesture.  I love BFFFs!

Ha! Please don’t ask me what the extra ‘F’ is for.

———-

Monday’s almost over, we definitely need more of this:

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]Relax by Calvin Harris

Looking out from the 43rd floor of the Swissotel Stamford is quite relaxing. What a view.